Friday, May 30, 2003

I picked up everything I needed for the Fellowship of the Ring. You should probably check that link if you have no idea what I'm talking about. It's great, I spend $120,000 and four years of my life for a tiny pinky ring that says I'm an engineer. Woohoo! I'll use this ring to fight pollution... or something.

I've also started to get all sentimental. I realized that this is my last oppurtunity to see many people that have affected my life. I'm going to attempt to spend this next day doing just that. Then, tomorrow at ten I graduate and its naked time!

I just got back from IHOP with Ed and Kleinlein. I wasn't in a particularly happy mood beforehand, Alex said I was going through a period of "existential agony." That sounds cool and all, but I'm beyond all that introspectiveness, I think I was just lonely. Anyway, Ed showed up to visit some of the seniors he won't see in a while, and Kleinlein came back after being gone for a week. Meanwhile, there was a karaoke party going on outside that actually seemed fun, but I wanted to get away from everyone I think.

At IHOP I met a new waitress that seemed kind of cute, but I was told eventually she was married, this is the third married women I've hit on in my life. The important part of this trip is Ed describing to us the gigantic cross country trip he's going to take: 2 months, 7000 miles, and a bunch of friends. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I do know that being with those guys cheered me up. I guess graduation seems kind of crappy because I'm gonna have to say goodbye to my friends, and because the friends I get to now be around aren't going to be there. If I could care about other people for a living, I would. I think it's something I do all to well.

  Monday, May 26, 2003

My softball game sucked. People who were there had a good time and all, but this game was to be a stepping stone to the post-college softball games. It was hardly memorable. I don't like guilt trips, so I won't be going out of my way to tell anyone this, but I hope everybody who didn't show up knows that I spent $200 on the rent-a-car and risked failing a class required to graduate just for this game. I guess no one else will care about this game as much as I, so I must now decide whether I ever again want to bother with something that others care so little about.

After the game I went and talked to Carolyn, and that thankfully salvaged the trip, as it was all worth it. Interesting conveyable part of the story: At the end of our discussion it was a really cool moment saying goodbye and I didn't want to ruin it by asking to use the bathroom. However, I had a sore throat and was talking a lot, so I easily had six glasses of water in the preceding hour. As I left I was trembling from the exerted energy necessary to hold it in. On the way home I contemplated pulling over and letting loose, but home was close so I quickly sped there. I never before had to pee so badly, and I don't think I ever will again.

I would love to go into detail about how everything is cool between Carolyn and I, but I think that is her and my story only. However, in honor of the discussion, I will end with a quote from Sammy Davis Jr.:

If I could live twice
I'd make life paradise
for someone really nice,
like you.

Good one Candyman.

  Thursday, May 15, 2003

The last two days of close-mindedness is brought to you by Rory's ability to stick to his guns. Since Wednesday, I've been more upset with things then I've been in the past year, and I think it directly correlates to me closing my mind on things. That's not really the Rory way. But this is rooted in the fact that no matter how much I open my mind, I really have a tough time changing my own opinions:

Every since high school I decided that I wasn't going to have sex until I'm married and I wasn't going to drink. The difference is, when actually confronted with these issues in college I had to consider my real reasons for feeling this way. As I thought of my goals in life and what is important to me I realized that drinking and sex don't coincide with them. I also learned to be accepting of peoples views that are different and I have no problem with others drinking or having sex.

But over the last couple days, I've gotten really mad at people who I know share some of the same goals, but have come to different conclusions, and that is wrong. Am I really that prude to believe that my logic is absolute? God I hope not! I don't have sex cause I want it to be special with one person, but I shouldn't be upset if the woman of my dreams who shares that opinion decides to spend the night over a boys place. I don't drink, it's not my thing and I can enjoy experiences on my own accord; however, that doesn't entitle me to get short with my best friend for ordering a beer at a bar after I bragged to others about how much she has motivated me to be the way I am.

When I think about it though, I believe that my inhabitions are resulting of a lack of confidence. Did I really come to these conclusions, or are they just a cover for some true close-minded attitude. I'll site my issue with swearing. I haven't said the f-word since I was in fifth grade. I stopped because I thought it was just too bad of a word, but I really have no reasons for not letting it go now. There is no reason I can't say it, but I don't. I can't get over my inhabitions and therefore I am being close-minded.

I know this is even stupid to worry about it, but its the only thing I can really relate to this. Maybe I am incapable of coming to a conclusion that is different from my initial beliefs. Isn't that the definition of close-minded. If so, the last five years have been a facade. I need to take advice out of my own book. If you truly say you feel a certain way, you must truly be that way.

Above all else, I must learn to be truly and completely accepting of peoples beliefs, views, and decisions; no matter how much of a personal connection I have to them. Even if they are the ones that helped me define my own views. I guess this could result in me being less attached to people, which could be either a good or bad thing. As an added note this entry is way to introspective. I'm supposed to tell stories, not perform Doctoral level psychology. Either way, as I've said before, we are on the verge of a new Rory.

Today was not a good day. I normally don't have 'bad' days, but today just doesn't feel right.

It started with me keeping myself awake all night. I was laying in bed, I just had this eerie feeling that somewhere, something was going on that would upset me if I knew about it. At about five AM, I heard this explosion. Based on the two-liter bottles I just found outside, seems like someone was throwing homemade bombs on our property. That rattled me enough to keep me awake even more. All in all, I got about two hours asleep after crawling into bed at one.

Then today I struggled to stay awake while studying for my test. I was tired and cranky so I was overreacting to people. I'm sorry. I eventually took the test and didn't even attempt a 35 point problem. I then came home and I have just enough time to go to stupid graduation practice. I'm very tired and it sucks.

Oh man, listen to me. I've become that girl I hate: the one that is always complaining and whining about being stressed out and who's annoying all the time. Wait a second, that's EVERY WOMAN I KNOW!

  Wednesday, May 14, 2003

So I got this Educating Esme book at about 10:00 AM and I've just finished it. That's less then a twenty-four hour turn around. Granted its a small 200 pages, but I normally hate to read. I mentioned that this is my fourth book of the year. I enjoyed it, but right now I am more concerned with why I would stay up all night reading it like I would normally a video game. Am I in the transition of some new emerging Rory?

I've also noticed that I've embracing my mean spirited feelings some more. Maybe this is part of the balance that Tantra has been teaching me. Who knows? But these are exciting times indeed.

  Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Don't let anyone ever tell you a woman can't motivate you to be more then who you are. I'm starting on my fourth book of the year (Educating Esme) and the main reason I'm interested in it is because a dear friend thought that I'd be interested in it. I just wish she knew that I would be interested in anything she thinks I should do...

Wait! Was that a moment of sulk. I mean I was doing the bitch and she wouldn't shut up, so I started reading this book just to keep her quiet.

  Monday, May 12, 2003

So I was up late and reading peoples away messages as usual. I noticed that my CS233 friend Chip, has an AIM profile like mine. You can open up links inside of it for more information. I was reading through some of the quotes; most of them were about life and love I guess and I enjoyed some of them:

"It's impossible to commit to anything, if you are always looking for something better" -Mike

"Never allow someone to be your priority while being their option" -Lyssaben24

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world" -Kari

"The most difficult thing that you can do is to watch the person you love love someone else." -Jenny

I was also surprised and proud to notice that I was quoted in here as well, twice:

"If anybody from now on upsets me, I think I'll just sleep with their girlfriends. I think I accomplish the most that way." -Rory

"Why can't I find a nice girl wearing a tube top with "Dirty Whore" written on the front in glitter?" -Rory

Way to go Chip for striving to further Chiperocity world wide. He also has a link to his new webpage, which depending on how well he keeps with it, I may have to add to my blogroll.

  Thursday, May 08, 2003

So I got this great idea for a movie walking to school today:

It starts with this college kid, and he's a cool kid and all, but he has this one problem with girls. He is always concerned with how they will look years from now. For the past two summers he's been flirting with this girl at work named Gina. She's really cute, not hot, but she just does it for him, you know. Anyway, he's talked with his friends about it over and over again, and he just can't get past how she might get old and not as attractive.

So one day, he's talking it up over a game of poker. One of his friends just happen to bring a nudie card deck, but its really old (maybe from his dad or grandpa). Right after his friends makes this point over 'her not being hot now so it doesn't matter,' our hero is dealt the Ace of Clubs, and it just happens to look like the girl from work, only naked.

The rest of this movie is this kids quest to find the girl on the card to see if she got really ugly old, or if she is still decent as a 50-60 year old. This is where hilarity ensues, or maybe its a coming of age story rather then just a comedy. I don't know, that's why this is a good idea, cause there are so many different directions to go. Near the end of the movie he finds this old chick; she's decent (maybe), but he learns that true beauty lies in the heart, and the girl he likes is a truly decent woman. Happy Ending. If it's a comedy maybe he makes out with the old chick too.

  Tuesday, May 06, 2003

As Byrne said moments ago, "It's life's simple pleasures that something." I can't remember exactly what he said, but him and I said on the front steps and watched lightning. It was really cool, and we talked about memories and things. I've been missing my friends back home a lot lately, but when I leave Indiana, I'm going to miss everyone here too.

Ahhh my fraternity days will soon be over. I came home to the sight of Karl lining the bed of his truck with a tarp. He later filled it half way with water. We lounged in the makeshift pool for about an hour. He was drinking Coronas while I read a book. Bixby showed up and shortly after that Karl drove the truck around the grounds while I layed floating in the back. It was fun getting tossed around, but I think I got some wierd looks by people who thought we were being immature. They are uptight and stupid. I guess some people see the bed of the truck as half empty and others see it as half full.

  Friday, May 02, 2003

There aren't many things cooler then going to see X-men 2 with your fraternity brothers at midnight, and driving there in Nickelson's 1972 Cadillac convertable, with the top down. The movie was cool, I've been an X-men fan since the cartoon, but I got real excited when I saw Wolverine hop into a new Mazda RX-8. Those who know of the car the personifies Rory, know why I am excited about that.