Sunday, August 31, 2003

I believe I suffer from a rare condition known as Club Induced Sleeping Disorder. CISD sufferers commonly experience extreme fatigue when entering bar/dancing atmospheres. Research suggests that the severity of a CISD episode is a function of five varying factors: dark atmosphere level, flashing light frequency, music intensity, gross alcohol consumption, and skank density. Someone inflicted with CISD can commonly be observed resting their head upon post supports in clubs and sitting excessively slouched in bar stools.

I’m lucky though; CISD is treatable with proper rest, diet, and exercise. In fact, most people diagnosed with CISD go on to live long and happy lives filled with watching dirty hussies dancing erotically on stages, while flashing their tits to hundreds of strangers and having beer poured on them by drunk pretty boys who only get women when they are under the influence and have a habit of getting treated for STD’s.

  Tuesday, August 26, 2003

An interesting holiday occurred this weekend that I just now thought about. August 24th 2002 was the day my 'no bitches' policy first took effect. Sunday was not an anniversary because anniversaries occur when you maintain a relationship and the policy expired in April. In honor of that day, however, I propose that from now on August 24th will forever be known as No Bitches Day. Men worldwide who subscribe to any of the ideals of roriness now have a day in which they can celebrate without the threat of bitches. I can't wait until I get a job so I can try and call off work for this.

  Monday, August 18, 2003

Today is my blog's one year anniversary. I'd like to thank Perenic for helping me start this. However, I feel like I've lost some of my humor level and I'm not getting as many comments as I would like. So in honor of one year of existence I'm going to kill two birds with one stone. I'm going change the way I write for this blog, and I'll have more on that later, but for now I got this idea.

Remember in middle school English class where they would give you a topic and you'd have to write about it in five minutes. I was always really good at that and volunteered to read mine in front of the class. I was wierd, but I was funny too. To encourage that sort of humor, I figured I would just pick a topic and write about it for five minutes. We will go with Create a character with a special personal trait. I honestly just wrote for five minutes without thinking too much, and here is what I got:

Little Amy never got along with the other kids at school. She was cursed with a horrible feature that haunted her since she was born. She had one gigantic ear! Not both of them mind you, just one. It wasn't just a little bigger either, this thing was huge! Elaphant sized almost: it was like an umbrella on a cantelope. In the history of man two, maybe three people tops have had ears larger then this one.

She faced the normal nicknames, like flower pot or funnelhead... Some of the more clever children called her the human wok. And she could hear them all well too clearly, as they snickered and whispered those harsh words, all because of her one monstrous ear.

Then came one fateful day. For fear of her life, her mother refused to sign her permission slip to go on a field trip to the dog whistle factory. The other kids taunted her as she watched thier bus pull away. Little did they know that only a few moments earlier the breaks of the bus had been smeared with immense gobs of wax.

And little Amy had a smile on her face. Being a few miles away she was the only one who could hear their tormenting screams as they hurled off the side of a bridge and died in a fiery blaze.

Please comment, I was hoping this will provoke a response; or better yet, write your own story. Take five minutes right now and just write. Don't think about it, just do it; it will be funnier that way. Leave it in the comments, post it yourself somewhere, it doesn't matter. I'm really interesting in seeing what people come up with. Let's see that creativity that my friends have!

  Friday, August 15, 2003

My computer has been being a bitch lately. Everytime I connect to the internet I get this error message:

Windows must now restart because the Remote Procedure Call (RPC) service terminated unexpectedly

It then gives me a one minute countdown to save things and then it shuts down. Blogging has become somewhat difficult. I had to write the last few entries while offline and then get on and post them very quickly. Reading other people's blogs have become insanely difficult; I barely had enough time to leave some comments on Tom's blog and on Baldauff's new blog.

I think I'm gonna need to reformat but I have nowhere to store my stuff, so when I make my trip back to the Haute to get the rest of my things I'll try and get everything fixed. Until then if any of you nerds out there now what's wrong or how to fix it, let me know.

  Thursday, August 14, 2003

Today was my graduation celebration dinner with the Nigro's. Mrs. Nigro made this sweet ass chicken that was stuffed with garlic and bred to be delicious. Then in maintaining with the Nigro family tradition we watched baseball.

In one week Lia (who got some sexy glasses) leaves for college and a few days later Jenna leaves for France. The exodus of the Nigro children will signify the end of freinds leaving. After that it's my turn.

  Saturday, August 09, 2003

Andrew Rosenburg is a cool kid. He's Buck's Nephew and a fusion reaction on feet. This morning I babysat him. The objective of the babysitting was to keep him distracted while his parents moved into their new house. We played this really fun game where he would knock me down and after I'd get up he'd knock me down again. We played that for two hours. The whole day was as fun as I would hope it would be, but boy am I tired now. I was also invited back for dinner sometime before I leave for my merry adventures. Score!

  Wednesday, August 06, 2003

Woah, coexistent blogging.

  Tuesday, August 05, 2003

I realized my dream of driving a motorcycle today. I had to wait for my brother and sister to leave me home alone with it. I didn't know there was a choke and after finally succeeded in starting it, I quickly failed in stopping it; I ran into a tree in my own driveway. Now my leg is scraped pretty bad, I can't twist my neck, and my heart feels like it's beating two feet outside of my chest. It was cool and I can't wait to do it again (ride the bike that is, not crash).

  Saturday, August 02, 2003

Take a really good look at this --->

Two years ago, when I was submerged in girl troubles, Carolyn gave me this advice:

FarmerCarolyn: you said to you she was 'the perfect girl' or close at least, and because of her you did stuff, wanted to do stuff, and enjoyed it. I'm sure that someone like her admired that in you. So if you are too weak willed to do it for yourself, do it for someone (like her/maybe her) that you may or may not know yet, but someone you want to respect you, etc. in the future

At the time I believed that to be the person I was capable of being I required a soul mate to make me that person. It's no secret that Carolyn has been the girl of my dreams for the last six years, but when she gave me this advice, she became something much more important: my role model.

It was her that helped me find religion in my own preexisting beliefs. It was her who helped me reaffirm my morals when they were attacked. It was her who motivated me to be fraternity vice-president, to be a teacher, to chase my dreams. Rory Rule #2 says: Credit others for success. Take another look at that picture. I have her to thank for who I am, and when I have successfully lived up to my potential it will only be because I knew Carolyn Schramm.

This morning was my oppurtunity to see her before she leaves; she moves to D.C. tomorrow. I feared that I would make her last memory of me lame. She made me forget that I was scared. She helped me be entertaining and helped me help her enjoy herself. I'm happy around her and it's as simple as that. She will be missed very much as well. Carolyn, you are awesome!