Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Part 3 of the Amazing Pie Saga. Part 1 and Part 2.

I ended up resolving the issue with FedEx myself. A very pilot woman helped reconcile the error when we discovered that what should be 'Apt. I' was input as 'Apt. 1.' My buddy in Kansas must have made a mistake and if I want to send my kids to college someday, perhaps I ought to not work so hard to correct it.

Thankfully, FedEx and I have this discussion after the Saturday deliveries have been made. The pie gets there Monday and it looks like a giraffe ate a bad egg-salad sandwich. That's fine, having the ability to eat the pie is secondary to the novelty of receiving one in the mail.


Stay away from the pie. Bad. Bad pie! Mess you up!
But Over-the-Hill Farms doesn't know that pie quality is irrelevant. I did not receive the freshly baked chocolate cream pie I ordered, and my pie-confirmation explicitly has an I on it. When I call to tell them this, I'm told by a man I've now become way too close to, that he put the information in himself and it said 1. Telling me he put it in himself is unnecessarily verbose, you're the only one that works there, we've established this. When I email the confirmation back to the company, Hoss (that's what I call him) contends that it looks like a lower-case L. What the friggin' hell man? What does it looking like an L have anything to do with it being an I or a 1? Maybe if you accidentally sent it to Apt. Decapitated-Stick-Man-With-No-Limbs then I'd be a little more interested in your thought process. You thought 1, a simple mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. It was an I, an I as in "Intense" or "you're a shItty company." Just admit you're wrong and let's move on.

Then he said what we've all been waiting for, "What do you want me to do, refund your money? Then I'm out seventy bucks!" SEVENTY BUCKS! You charge seventy damn dollars for these pies! What the hell is wrong with you? No wonder I'm the only online pie order you ever had, I'm a sucker. Seventy! Did I accidentally click the "include Honus Wagner baseball card" option? I could have flown to this chicks town, bought a truckload of chocolate cream, and had it helicopter dropped into her living room for that much. All of this excludes the logic that if you don't refund my money, then I'm out seventy bucks and I'm not the one that made the mistake.

Out of contempt he eventually agrees to give me my money back. Queue heavenly music... and all is well: my friend gets a pie sent to her doorstep, I get to keep my money, and the man in Kansas never even had to pull up his overalls.

FIN