Monday, January 16, 2006

As homage to my still nonexistant caption website:



"Nice seats dumbass. You don't need those binoculars to see our team get schooled. Let me know when you're done so I can use them to find a new boyfriend."

"Hey Buddy, you got something in your ear, and your girfriend is looking at me like she wants to lick my balls, and this guy in the bottom corner is looking at me like he wants to lick my balls, too."

Colts fan Ronald Burlington watched in shock. But even with the most heartbreaking defeat he would ever witness eminent, and his girlfriends recent revalation that she used to be a man, there was some good news: he just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance...

"Honey, that unshaven sickly looking fellow from the Seattle airport was right."

It was then, with 1:26 left to play in the 3rd quarter, that the Bettis family realized stupid white people make excellent good luck charms.
Feel free to add your own!

  Monday, January 09, 2006

It would seem the television has rediscovered the situational comedy, only this time they're actually funny. For those of you who don't have a TV (that may seem derisive, but with a large portion of my friends it's true) and those stuck watching lame shit, there has been a resurgence of entertaining sitcoms, or I may be better served saying sitcoms now have entertainment value. I don't have to mention Family Guy and the like, but I've also become enamored with Scrubs, and The Office as well as others. Problem is those that watch TV and those with intelligence taste don't often intersect. So here's my attempt to plug the things I like before they no longer exist -- Blast you Vanilla Coke!

It would seem I'm too late with Arrested Development. I'm not sure on the details, but it was canned nearly two months ago and it seems like the final episodes are slated to play tonight on FOX. I won't proclaim it the greatest show on television (not that I'd be straining to make such a proclamation), but it is high on the worthwhile scale. Although there's speculation of a move to another network, the outlook is grim. So tonight may be your last chance to see it. If this last chance is your first viewing, you won't appreciate it; I'd recommend the first season DVD for a good 10 hours of fun.

FOX could actually learn a lesson from NBC about publicity. Both AD and My Name is Earl are two of the most dynamic and intelligent comedies ever. Before Earl even premiered, its advertising made it seem like everyone was already watching it and the only discernible information even revealed about the show was its day and time. It premiered as a hit and its quality held viewers. I understand that there are dozens of pieces of garbage coming through every year, but when you have gold treat it as such. For shame FOX Broadcasting.

You're also missing Saturday Night Live on the upward swing of what has become a periodic six year awesome-suck-awesome cycle. SNL currently features a cast in which the women play more prominently then the men and in eight weeks the new players have become more comedically dependable then the regular cast. Do yourself a favor and watch Lazy Sunday. I will speak no more of this.

If UPN continues to play their cards right, they might have their first true hit sitcom with Everyone Hates Chris: the comedic chronicles of a young Chris Rock. I don't watch this show nor do I recommend you do. I'm not suggesting that it isn't good, I just mention it because it totally steals my idea for a sitcom once I become a famous comedian.

And since baseball season I've been captivated by these lovely women who you may not have noticed. They're the doublemint twins and they're here to say that Wrigley's new ad campaign is cleverly designed to play off every instinctive urge on the Y chromosome. Let me use this opportunity to reaffirm my desire to be with a young sweet attractive innocent woman, and proclaim my unattainable fantasy of two young sweet attractive innocent women at the same time.