Friday, May 26, 2006

This softball game that I host every year back home is turning ten years old this weekend. Every year I get totally psyched up for it and then I'm more and more disappointed. So, of course, this year's game is going to be awesome.

If you're in the Pittsburgh area this Sunday stop on by around 1:00 PM. We're going to have a keg there and nachos. There won't actually be nachos though.

  Monday, May 22, 2006

This weekend saw me occupying a sex shop. I can now say I go to the sex store more regularly then say oh... the chiropractor. Although I'm not sure those two aren't entirely mutually exclusive.

The first thing I noticed, besides the large phalli and nippled mannequins, was that they had shopping carts and hand-baskets, like it's a grocery store. As if I'm going to by so many strap-ons and pornos and provocative undergarments to fill an entire cart. Please, if I want that many rubber vaginas I'll go to Costco and get them at wholesale. Note: The use of the word wholesale is also an untactful pun.

I was not there to shop or to browse or do any of the infinite perverted possibilities. I was there with two friends [INTERNAL MONOLOGUE: They'll never believe you, Rory. They know you don't have friends.] of the female gender, who decided to stop on our way to root beer and cake. And to save face, the first sentence spoken to my strictly platonic friends was: "Please don't ask me how you'd look in anything."

I perused the Gay Superhero Comic Book section while the others browsed the lingerie, eventually checking out with a black lacey thing that's supposed to be worn on body parts I didn't know existed on a woman. What I find pleasantly charming about tattoo riddled sex shop employees is that after scanning your items they ask, "Would you like any condoms, lube, or massage oil with your purchase today?" the proverbial "Would you like fries with that?" of the sex business.

  Thursday, May 11, 2006

Comments are not working, so you're SOL bitches. I'll update once I learn to program.

Update (11:59): It would appear they are now working. You are SWL. Have at it bitches.