Sunday, January 14, 2007

I'm obsessive compulsive about my blog archive. It's imperative that I have a page for every month; I don't know why, it just is. So I've just back posted two stories to fill in the 88 day gap I have. It's cheating I know, but isn't that archive pretty. Go ahead, look how nice it is, I don't mind. If you got it, flaunt it, right? Anyway, two new posts, after this one - decent read.

This was going to be a post where I lie to save face about why I've back-posted. I'd come up with some excuse for not blogging, like loosing my fingers in a strip-mining accident, or having some new disease that causes the body to give off a localized EMP pulse. Lying is fine, but making excuses for not blogging, whether real or fictitious, is lame. So I feel the only adequate punishment for even considering this and for making two posts to fill in the missing months, would be to purposely surrender face by admitting a few embarrassing things: also regardless of whether real or fictitious. Here goes.

We have a rope tied to the tree in our front yard; that rope was my first girlfriend. During many a summers I spent alone, I would watch cartoons while laying naked on the couch and eating pop-tarts off my tummy. Our small dog would poop wherever the hell it wanted, this was inspiration for me to try the same thing. Staying late for a club meeting and other after-school activities meant an opportunity to use the women's bathroom. Frightened by puberty, at age eleven I shaved my giblets. I've chewed gum off the bottom of a desk, I know the words to every Avril Lavigne song, and I'm also the girl in the R. Kelly sex video.

Whew. I feel better.