Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Yesterday at Allegheny College in Meadville, PA a wrecking ball detached from the crane its swung by and rolled .7 miles down main street smashing into cars and curbs, reeking havoc, eventually rolling up into the trunk of a student waiting patiently at a stop light.


There is insane story potential here. Crane operator Bob Boring (no fabrication, he is actually named like the hero of a children's book) threw bricks at the wrecking ball to try and stop it, which is exactly the opposite of what wrecking balls are designed to do. The police officer on hand told the driver of the last car that the soccer balls he had filling the back seat may have saved his life, which unless each of those soccer balls are made of 27 cubic feet of high density polypropic rubber cushion is impossible.

But I'm not going to write a story. I know nothing about Meadville, but the two friends I have that went to Allegheny sure do. This is a challenge to both of them to write a story about this: a funny recap, or fictional events that may resolve around this incident, whatever, but some sort of story.

BLOGOFF!!!

  Thursday, July 05, 2007

I'm watching fireworks on a rooftop and this guys is faking intelligence to impress women:

"This is a pretty amazing fireworks show. It cost somewhere near five million dollars."

I don't know anything about fireworks, but no. No it did not.

  Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The very helpful quiet man who used to work in the cubicle next to me moved on to another job and now I have a completely useless loud man in in his place. This is the guy who asks you what's up without getting your attention or seeing if you are busy or without any sense of tact. He's also ugly.

Everyday he spends twenty minutes discussing dinner and lame activities over the phone with his girlfriend. I've theorized, and my other coworkers won't entertain me on this, that he is actually his own girlfriend. I can't imagine a woman on any planet I know of finding this man's behavior endearing, and when they talk its always in such a way so that the whole conversation is known to those of who can hear him.

That's circumstantial, but I have noticed that she never calls him, it's always him doing the calling. And if it is true I don't know if it's him just trying to get attention or if he actually hears a voice coming through the other end. I'm guessing the latter, hence my belief that they are the same person.

There's a picture of her on his desk. In it she is smothered in make-up, to the point where you can't tell if there's a beautiful woman underneath or an unkempt middle age man, covered in boils. But the tell-tale sign, if you stare at the picture closely and look past the stubble and huge Adam's apple, they have almost the exact same eyes.

  Monday, July 02, 2007

This weekend witnessed my first off-day in nearly a month and also an interesting corollary: if I'm not blogging, it's not cause I'm busy, it's exactly the opposite. When I'm active, I can't wait to tell everyone about the ridiculous awesomeness of some mundane thing I accomplished. But do nothing, and I'm suddenly engorged with shame, and seclude myself, resulting in more inactivity. It's called a funk, and in younger times it was a much harder cycle to break.

I was so completely lazy the last two days. I'm not exaggerating: It may have been the least productive weekend of my life, and that's saying something. I am exaggerating: I had to fight off atrophy this morning to make it in to work. Still, really freaking unproductive. Why is it so bright in this office?

And I don't care. Normally, I do this and I say to myself, "What am I doing with my life? Shit. If I died in my sleep how many weeks would it be until someone found me. After that long I can't reek much more then I do know. I better delete my Internet cache, I don't want that to be my dieing legacy. Frick I'm hungry, but food is not within a two foot radius surrounding me." But not this time. This time there was a primal anger to my laziness. Each moment of inactivity was vengeful; that's the best I can describe it, and it was rewarding.